Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
If rejection is not fatal, why does it hurt so much?? I learned today that rejection is normal. I really had no idea. I also realized that I reject people and things as quickly as I am being rejected. It's almost a race. I am good at it ... funny thing is that I didn't even know I did that. My solution was so simple: Hit them and then hide. A good sharp jab or a neatly placed critism usually does the job.
Sometimes the opponent (they become the opponent the moment they chose to "attack" my ideas or me) is insistent that he or she has some important information to give me, but NO, I won't have any of that. Quick, get a good shot off while they are still talking. Aim in their general direction. It will keep them off guard. What? They are still carrying on? Now they are silent? Oh, jeez. They are playing it cool. Waiting for my aim to falter. But, no. I get another jab in.
This can go on for hours! The result is the same. I limp away right into my head where it is safe.
That will teach 'em. Not. They just lick their wounds and move on, but not me. Why?
Today I commited the worst offense ever! I embarrassed one of my children in front of their peers. Yikes! What was I thinking? ... Truth? I wasn't. It was an unintended jab. A quick and decisive one. It was costly to both of us. The child was mortified and angry. The child felt rejected. I felt rejected. We both left wounded. Were either of us recoverable? That is still to be told.
My rejection drained me. I suffered. I wanted to pain to go away. It would not.
My rejection brought about learning. Rejection is not fatal. Really? I had no idea! If not, then what do I do with it? It certainly feels damaging and dangerous.
Well, I think that I learned to be a more gentle person because of it. Be gentle with those I love. Be gentle with myself. I learned that I needed reassurance that no matter what dorky thing I do, someone will still love me. Thanks kind soul from Heaven that took me in arm and showed me that. Are you an angel?
Now, I know the next task for me. Do the same for the child. Be gentle and loving.
Unconditional love is a solution for rejection, whether it is given by the offender or another, most importantly it can be given by ourselves to ourselves. A hard task, but one that can be done. Unconditional love for others can change the world. It can stop arguments and disappointments. It can stop pain.
Though rejection is real as it is delivered, and its aim is sharp, the truth is that no matter who is attacking us, We have Choice. We have Power. The attacker's power is illusionary, and we usually fall for it and believe every word of it as if it were fact. The Truth? It's False!
At close look, we are not being rejected, but our presence or our idea or ... who knows what else is really just antagonizing the attacker for reasons we may never even understand. Given time, even all that is usually forgotten. Love still survives through it all in the end.
Surprisingly, the world still turns. The sun will come up tomorrow. And, we wake up as changed as we let ourselves be. Rejection is not Fatal, but it can be Empowering. It can Remind us of the Power of Unconditional Love, a tool we can use to relieve the pain in others. As we do so, our own pain will disappear.
Always remember, perspective is so important with rejection. We decide it's value, not the attacker.
Rejection is not fatal, but my thinking can be. I have found that I reject because I am rejected. Would it change my little world to love because I am rejected? I think Jesus Christ, Mother Teresa, and Ghandi are examples of that way of thinking. May I learn to think like them. May I turn rejection into love.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
I have not dreamed of something special for myself before. My husband at times says that he wants to just sit with me and dream together. About what? The future, a vacation, anything. We have been talking about our yard recently and making "plans" for it. He said it was totally green back there when he bought the house years ago. Hmmm. Totally green. My mind starts to wander. I love green. I love grass. I love flowers, but most of all, I love water and sand. I find myself dreaming. Without realizing it, I have dreamed of a spot for me in the yard. A spot in that beautiful green yard. A spot warmed by the sun where I can see everything going on around me. A spot where I can hear and see the water running softly nearby. A spot where I can play in the sand and enjoy my rocks. I dream of a Zen Garden. I don't know Zen but I dream anyway. My thoughts take me to a library. Four books later, my Zen Garden has meaning. My design takes shape on paper. My bamboo fence encloses two sides with short wooden benches for me and my companions to enjoy the sand at our feet. Black river rock encircles my sand giving us a safe haven from the surrounding yard. Four towering rocks stand as mountainous guards to my quiet place. My feet in the warm sand, my hand on the rake, I think. I sit quiet. I dream some more. I learn where peace comes from.
Do dreams really come true? They do if you create the possibility, ... and buy the sand.
I will let you know when it's ready for company!
PS: Thanks, Mark, for inspiring me.